


Friends can hold each other's hands

by dumbseok



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, They don't know they're gay, confused gays, idk - Freeform, maybe not just mentions, wooyu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-08-27 02:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbseok/pseuds/dumbseok
Summary: There's pretty much everything in the tags but yes, Yuto and Wooseok are childhood friends and everything goes well until they both start catching feelings for each other.





	1. Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: hiii! I’ve been into Pentagon music a lot since late march so… now it’s time to write about my fav duo, Yuto and Wooseok! I apologize for any mistakes I could do, English is not my first language.  
> Also, I introduced a one-year gap in Yuto and Wooseok age.  
> That said, enjoy!

Wooseok’s mum was really surprised when he saw his little son, all ready and dressed up, running on the outside of the house, like someone was waiting for him. Maybe for little kids that was usual, but not for little Wooseok. He used to have some friends, or at least some kids to play with, and his mom was used to see him running outside to meet them and go play in the neighborhood. But then one day he come back home earlier than usual and he asked his mom to never open the door when his usual friends could’ve asked for him. He literally said “they’re not my friends anymore”. His mom didn’t say anything, but still she was worried since Wooseok was a really patient kid, he wasn’t the type to say such things. Wooseok had a shocked face so she realized it wasn’t the right time to ask about what happened. Days later, she tried to talk about it, but Wooseok decided to be stubborn about it and decided to say literally nothing. His mom’s heart was broken: it was the first time for her not knowing what was happening to his son.  
So, when she saw the boy all happy and smiling, she was relieved. Finally his lonely days were coming to an end.  
Wooseok went outside, and his mom couldn’t avoid to follow him with her eyes from the window. His mom wasn’t right, but wrong neither. Wooseok was playing with a little boy, but he wasn’t a kid from his previous group of friends. They weren’t talking much, but they were playing with a ball and smiling: that was enough for her.  
What Wooseok’s mum didn’t know was how the two boys met. They literally lived near each other’s house but they didn’t know of each other existence. That was until a few days earlier. Wooseok was playing with his swing. His long legs allowed him to “fly” high, so he saw, at the end of the street, his old friends. He immediately stopped playing and ran to hide on the back of his garden. That was the plan, until he saw a little kid playing in the garden of the house near his. He was … small. Wooseok told himself he couldn’t leave the boy there. He was playing with a ball, those kids surely would’ve notice that.  
“Ehi” he whispered. Wooseok was afraid of being heard, but the boys were still far from them, since they walked slowly, like they owned the place, and they were laughing so loud they couldn’t for sure hear him. The boy heard him though.  
“Hide your ball… and yourself” Wooseok said. The boy looked at him without understanding.  
“Run to hide!” Wooseok said again, then he left, running on the back of his house garden. The boys were almost near. After a few seconds, he saw the boy at the back of his own house too. Wooseok smiled and the kid smiled back: they were safe.  
The loud voices were nearer, then stopped. Wooseok was sure they were searching for him.  
“I’m sure he went to hide” he heard the older one say, then they started walking again. Wooseok was trembling, but he was relieved too: they didn’t found him.  
The other boy was still looking at him.   
“I told you to hide because they’re mean” he explained.  
The other looked at him with a blank expression, like he couldn’t understand a word Wooseok was saying. He looked younger than Wooseok; he was shorter than him, so that was enough to Wooseok to judge.  
Anyway, since the other one was still waiting for an explanation, Wooseok decided to go closer to the wooden fence between the two houses. The other kid did the same.  
“Those kids… they’re mean, you should avoid them” he said again.  
The other kid seemed like he didn’t still understand.  
“Mean… Evil… Not good” he tried to explain himself.  
“Oh… Not good” the other kid said, speaking for the first time, like he was “tasting” the word for the first time. He had a weird accent, and Wooseok noticed that.  
“Where are you from?” he asked before he could stop himself.  
“I’m Yuto and I’m from Japan” the other replied like he was repeating something he studied for a long time.   
“Oh… I’m Wooseok”  
They didn’t know what to say, until Yuto smiled.  
“Do you… want to play… with me?” he said slowly, pointing at the ball behind him with his finger.  
***  
Every afternoon that summer, early at 5 p.m., the two kids were always playing together. Sometimes they were playing with Yuto’s ball, sometimes with Wooseok’ swing, but they were always together. They didn’t talk much, since Yuto wasn’t still that good with English, but Wooseok didn’t care. He liked to teach the older – yes, he finally found out he was the younger one – new words. Yuto was so grateful when he learned new things and always thanked him with a big smile.  
“Do you remember those kids I told you they’re evil?” Wooseok asked one day. He was feeling like he was hiding something important to the other, so he just decided to tell him.  
Yuto nodded, focusing at the ball Wooseok passed him. The wind was so strong that day, so the ball went in another direction. Yuto ran to take it before it went in the middle of the street.  
“Do you want to know why they’re evil?”  
Yuto nodded again and stopped playing. He knew it was something important, plus he was scared. What if Wooseok was going to use new words he couldn’t still understand?  
“Well, we used to be friends. We were always together, since… one day”. His voice broke, so he stopped talking.  
Yuto was looking at him, waiting. Wooseok avoided the other’s look.  
“Well, do you know, when you love a friend so much and you want to hold his hand? I did it but… they told me boys can’t hold hands and … they said …”  
Wooseok stopped talking and he didn’t try to explain better, since he was crying. His ears were earing again what they told him.  
Yuto was scared. What a friend is supposed to do when someone is crying?  
Finally, he had an idea.  
He went to his side. Wooseok didn’t notice him, since he was covering his eyes with both hands.  
Yuto took one of the younger’s hand in his.  
Wooseok almost stopped crying. He was surprised and couldn’t understand what was happening.  
“Oh, I think… Friends can hold each other’s hand” Yuto said, blushing.  
Wooseok laughed. He was so relieved he laughed so loud Yuto was almost scared. Plus, Yuto’s accent was really weird.  
***  
Wooseok was sad. Summer was over.  
“I don’t want to go to school!” he said again, mostly to himself since his mom was ignoring him while she was driving the family’s car.  
“You’ll find other nice kids to play with” his mum said, smiling, trying to cheer him up “and sometimes you can play with Yuto too”  
Wooseok crossed his arms and pressed them against his chest. He just knew other kids weren’t nice and kind as Yuto. Yuto never called him “crybaby”, like other kids used to do.  
His mood rapidly changed when he arrived at school. The hallway was full of excited laughs and nervousness from the kids and their parents. Wooseok didn’t care. What changed his mood was seeing Yuto and his mom.  
They were all alone. Yuto’s mom was probably scared, since she tried to occupy the less space she could. On the other hand, Yuto was just curious about that place. His gaze was wandering as if he was measuring everything: the stairs, the pictures on the wall, everything. Nobody was talking to them.  
“Yuto!” Wooseok said, using a loud tone.  
Yuto’s look finally focused on something – or better on someone.  
“Seok!” he replied using the same tone. A big smile opened on his face. Probably he was relieved for not being all alone in that big school where every kids seemed to know each other. He didn’t realize that but Wooseok had the same fear. Until that moment, of course.  
Yuto quickly said something in Japanese to his mom. She didn’t reply but smiled at Wooseok and his mom.  
“You told me you are older than me, what are you doing here?”  
“I can’t attend second grade… for my bad skills in… language” Yuto explained, embarrassed, blushing, looking at his feet.  
“Don’t worry!” the younger’s mom quickly replied “Wooseok can help you with that!”  
“Of course!”   
Yuto smiled but didn’t reply. He was nervous. What if they weren’t in the same class and he had to deal with … that all alone?  
Maybe Wooseok felt his friend’s fear, so he touched his hand just for a moment.  
“We can do this. We are together” he said.


	2. Friends just sleep in another bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start: thank you so so much for hits and kudos! They’re highly appreciated, you really made me the happiest!  
> This chapter is shorter than planned but! since I’m very busy next week (driving license exam I don’t fear you) I decided to divide it in two parts, so I could upload at least something… enjoy I guess!  
> Also, if you have the time listen to “Friends” by Ed Sheeran. First part of the chapter was already completed when I remembered it, but it gave me a lot of inspiration for the second part, so maybe you could listen to it to understand the atmosphere in the second part of the chapter and in my mind when I was writing too.

II. Friends just sleep in another bed

Wooseok and Yuto planned literally everything: they said to their moms they were going to spend the evening together for studying, like they always did every day since school started. This time the study thing was an excuse. Yuto was the responsible one between them and he would’ve usually refuse to lie about it, but they were going to play a new game Wooseok bought for his PS3. Yuto didn’t have his own console: his mom couldn’t afford it, and Yuto didn’t insist too much to have it. He just understood his mom couldn’t buy it. Not that not having a PS3 in his room hurt Yuto too much. He was always at Wooseok’s house, the two of them immersed in long matches at whatever games they were trying those days. And, to be honest, he couldn’t refuse to make his best friend happy when he started to whine about him “ruining all the fun just because you’re old”.

Wooseok’s mom wasn’t going to be at home until late, since she had this dinner with her old school friends, and of course Yuto’s mom knew Yuto was going to stay at Wooseok’s. They were friends since ten (!) years now, she wasn’t worried at all.

Yes, everything was planned, but they eventually fell asleep on Wooseok’s bed while playing.

Better; Wooseok fell asleep. It was months since he didn’t sleep properly, always busy studying, playing baseball with his team mates – he was in the school team and they were winning a lot of match in the high school championship, so he had a lot of mental pressure, and also physical since their coach almost doubled their training hours. Even the teachers were in the audience when they had matches. Of course Wooseok had to make his physical condition worst playing all night with his console. 

At first Yuto didn’t notice that, he was really into the game, but then at some point he noticed Wooseok wasn’t playing at all, he was losing a lot of points. He looked at the younger for just a second and he saw him asleep. Yuto stopped the game, not knowing what to do. Was he supposed to wake him up? Should him be asleep too?

Wooseok’s cat, a black cat named Goyangi (1), jumped on the bed to sleep on his owner’s chest.

Yuto almost awed. The both of them were so soft sleeping together…

Carefully, without making any noise, he turned off the TV screen. The room was totally dark now. He tried to leave the bed were they were lying while playing but he realized he couldn’t do it without waking up the younger and his cat, since the bed was against the wall so he had just one way to leave, which was waking Wooseok up.

He felt guilty so he just placed his joystick on the floor and leaned back on the bed again.

The room was dark now without the screen lighting it up but when his eyes got used to the darkness he realized it wasn’t totally black. The window was closed but still the small room was lighten up by a near street lamp. Said room was a mess right now: school books were all over the desk abandoned, old pairs of jeans and t-shirts all over the floor. And of course two messy guys were lying on the bed.

Yuto looked at the younger again and leaned on his left side, so he could look at the younger better. It would’ve been awkward if Wooseok would’ve wake up all of a sudden…

Yuto ignored his mind, or at least he tried, since he remembered all of a sudden something that happened some days earlier.

***

It was almost ten minutes since Yuto and his girlfriend Riley were sitting in her brother’s car but they didn’t say anything at all.

The car was in Riley’s parents’ box auto. The lights were off but they could see each other really clear since they didn’t close the big door of the building and the street lamps were already on.

The girl was playing some annoying songs by Ed Sheeran with his smartphone. Yuto hated those songs but he didn’t say anything about that.

He finally spoke though.

“Riley, I can’t even remember since we’re here not talking and I could’ve been out there with my best friend since I already told you Wooseok and me were going to meet today. You insisted to meet me today saying you had something important to say and I come, but now I just want to know what we have to talk about. I’m feeling really stupid right now”

Riley sighed, putting his long light blue hair behind his hears. Yuto didn’t say anything. He was mesmerized by the girl’s eyes. She perfectly matched his eyes and hair colors. Oh, and her nails too. That was talent.

“You really don’t realize it, don’t you?” She asked after a while. “It’s always about you and your best friend, Wooseok here, Wooseok there, you don’t have ANY time at all for me”

“But I’m here now and-“

Riley ignored him trying to interrupt her. “You make me feel GUILTY when I ask you to spend some time together, like I’m stealing you from him… but that’s not how it’s supposed to work since I AM your girlfriend, not him, and I have to remind you were the one interested in me in the first place? Why did you insist too much to go out with if you don’t like me enough to make some space in your life for me?”

Yuto didn’t say anything at all. He was hiding a lot of things to the others and even to himself but he wasn’t a total liar. Deep down, he knew the girl was right. Every time he had to say to Wooseok he couldn’t meet him because he had to meet her, he feel guilty. But he never felt the opposite.

“See? You’re not even trying to explain or defend yourself, you’re not even saying sorry! Because I am so fucking right, and you know I love being right but this time I hoped I was wrong, really.”

Riley looked away, literally on the other side, to avoid Yuto’s face. She was almost crying, the boy knew.

He was going to say something to try to make the situation better or at least less worse – since they were basically breaking up and nothing could make the things go better, but then a stupid Ed Sheeran’ song caught his attention.

_ “We’re not, no we’re not friend, nor have we ever been _

_ We just try to keep those secrets in a lie _

_ And if they find out, will it all go wrong? _

_ And Heaven knows, no one wants it to. _

__

_ So I could take the back road _

_ But your eyes will lead me straight back home. _

_ And if you know me like I know you _

_ You should love me, you should know. _

__

_ Friends just sleep in another bed…” _

“What’s the name of this song?” he asked without thinking.

“Friends” she replied emotionless. “Didn’t know you like Ed Sheeran.”

“I don’t. Maybe I’ll listen to this song later though”

***

That song popped in Yuto’s mind right then, while he was lying on Wooseok’s bed, watching him sleep with his cat.

“I… I have to go. Wooseok, wake up, I have to go”

Wooseok woke up, looking around with a confused face.

“What… what…” he tried asking, but Yuto interrupted him.

“You just fell asleep while playing, so I turned off the TV. Of course it’s time for me to go home.”

Wooseok nodded and let the older go. He knew his best friend’s house, so he didn’t accompanied Yuto to the door.

Also Wooseok had a lot on his mind. They were lying peacefully on his bed, why Yuto had to run all of a sudden?

Yes, he wasn’t sleeping. He was at first, before Goyangi stepped on his chest. And then he just decided to enjoy hi cat’s attentions… and his best friend too, since Wooseok noticed Yuto was looking at him… and for a long time…

Wooseok shook his head, trying to avoid similar thoughts. He really didn’t like his mood. He couldn’t be sad just because Yuto and him didn’t sleep together (in the literal word’s meaning).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) I used Goyangi as Wooseok's cat name since he told some times ago he would like to have a cat and he also said he already thought of his name, which was, guess, Goyangi.  
> Oh and right now I'm having a moment thinking about Wooseok being a cat person and sending cat videos on PTG gc, thanks for checking.


	3. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I actually couldn't think of a decent title for this chapter sorry lmao)  
> Basically our boys start dealing with (guess!) feelings! Unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: thanks for all the kudos you left! They’re highly appreciated! I apologize for keep adding new chapters to the total amount, I just feel like these two have way more to say than what I originally planned! Plus, my exams are near and writing about these two helps me relax a lot.  
> That said, enjoy the next chapter and… sorry for the angst I guess. (Be ready because this chapter is longer than the previous two lol)

Yuto looked at the younger in disbelief, his mouth slightly open. He was shocked, _and not because my best friend is so beautiful with his parted hair, almost long to his cheeks, and that over-sized grey sweater_ , his mind added before he could even stop himself, like was so often happening to him lately, but because of what he just said to him.

“I just want to be sure of what you just told, so I’m going to repeat it” _because I’m a fool, enough to give you the time to deny you don’t want me in your life anymore, like you made me understand but without saying it because you’re a coward._

Wooseok just nodded and didn’t say anything, his shoulders against his closed school locker.

“First of all, let me say this… We live next to each other but still you choose to say this to me AT SCHOOL. I think this says a lot about our friendship, but I’m going to pretend … I’m going to skip this part for now. You basically told me… you have baseball matches, new friends, a girlfriend, a lot to study, so you don’t have time for me, right?”

“You don’t have to put it that way…” Wooseok tried to justify himself, but Yuto raised his voice’s volume, making a lot of people passing in the hallway looking at them – like Wooseok’s popularity those days wasn’t enough to bring him a lot of unwanted attention, thanks to his excellent performances in the baseball team.

“How do I have to put it? You have more important things to do now? Well, you won’t ever hear those words from me, since I believe there are just few things more important than a person you called for a lot of years _best friend,_ and honestly I don’t believe you. You just want to get rid of me, which is totally fine – well, actually it’s not, since I wasted a lot of time with you – but at least say it without forcing me to understand what you’re not brave enough to say out loud”

Wooseok was shocked from Yuto’s flood of word, and honestly Yuto himself too. That was the longest conversation they had in a long time, and of course it was a fight. Great.

The younger was trying to find something in his mind that could have been useful to make less awkward the situation, but right in that moment someone pocked his shoulder.

_ Not now _ , he almost said.

The girl standing at his side was his girlfriend, Laura. She was one of the most popular girl in the cheerleader team, they knew each other since years but something seemed to “click” in the past few months.

“You know, you’re busy with something _more important_ to do right now, so don’t even bother reply to me” Yuto said and he left, really pissed for the interruption.

“What just happened?” the girl asked with his high-pitched voice, caressing his long dark hair.

“We’ll talk about it later, now I have to go to my Literature class” Wooseok replied and he just left the girl there, without even saying “see you later”.

He would’ve skipped his lesson in any other days, but he needed some time to think peacefully without any interruption, and for that nothing was better than a boring lesson he wasn’t going to listen.

His teacher was an old man and he actually didn’t care if his students were listening his lessons or not, so Wooseok just sat in his usual place at the back and looked outside trough the window.

If someone would’ve said he was going to fight that bad with Yuto just some months ago, probably Wooseok would’ve laugh. But now?

It all started when Yuto broke up with his girlfriend – Wooseok was really surprised when it happened. Yuto was so fond of the girl, he always talked about her, her smile, her beautiful mind, he even started buying flowers and chocolate and … yup, he was cringey but cute. Wooseok was almost pissed about his best friend always talking about Riley, Riley, Riley – and a little bit jealous, since it was like there was another person with them.

Yuto seemed to be okay in his relationship. Again, Wooseok was a little bit jealous because he had to “share” his best friend with someone for the first time in their ten year friendship, but he was happy for him. 

Until he said they broke up. And he refused to say why.

Since then, things seemed to be a little awkward between them. Yuto started being less talkative, he didn’t share anything at all about his life with Wooseok. The younger started doing the same. They actually didn’t talk that much anymore since that time when they fell asleep in Wooseok’s bedroom while playing. 

Of course, there was another reason, but he was too… afraid to think about it. 

That night when they fell asleep together. Wooseok thought a lot about it. He wasn’t so sure about how to put it in words but… his best friend’s presence near him while he was asleep seemed so right. It wasn’t something like “I have a crush on my best friend”, it was something like “I don’t trust anyone like him, nobody knows me like he does, I even find comfortable sleeping together with him, so why don’t we … take things to the next level”. 

Wooseok was afraid of himself and he tried to hide those thoughts and feelings for a long time, but in the end he failed being subtle since Yuto clearly noticed something in the younger that made him run away.

Of course, things got even worse when Wooseok and Laura started dating. He liked her: she was nice, supportive, and really beautiful. Wooseok wasn’t really interested in dating someone – or better, he didn’t find someone interesting enough to ask her out – but one day, after his practice, she was waiting for him. She had cheerleader team practice that day too, so she was still wearing her costume (a short skirt and a crop top, both in yellow and blue, the official school colors) and her cheeks were still burning from the heat of the physical exercise. Just like that, she went directly to him when he exit the boys’ restroom and she asked if he wanted to go out some times. 

Wooseok almost hit his school desk with his fist. Yuto was the first one who started avoiding him, and now everything was his fault? What was Yuto so bitter for? Why Yuto was trying to make Wooseok look like he was the only guilty one in their fight? He was the first one who started avoiding him like he had the plague, he really had the audacity to went mad just because Wooseok said he had a lot of things to do and zero time for the other? What the heck? They didn’t hang out that often anymore.

Lesson was almost over, so he checked his phone. There were at least five messages from Laura. He ignored them and just texted Yuto.

“We need to talk like adults. Are you free this evening?”

Yuto replied after a few minutes.

“I thought you had a party with your team”.

Wooseok closed his eyes and exhaled a long breathe. He really had a party that night, but now he didn’t want to go. He just wanted to meet his best friend and talk like they used to do.

“I have some free time before going to the party. And you can join us too.”

Lesson was over, but Yuto still didn’t reply.

Instead, there was Laura waiting for Wooseok outside class.

“I texted you FIVE times, Jung Wooseok, why are you ignoring me?” she asked, his tone really high and annoyed.

“Uhm… I just didn’t check my phone during class. Do you have something important to tell me?” he excused himself, scratching the back of his neck, nervous.

“I just want to know if you’re going to be at the party at Bella’s”

“I already told you that. I’ll be waiting for you outside your house like the knight with the shining armor I am and then we’ll go there together.”

“You’re so cringey, Jung Wooseok” she replied, but now she was smiling.

***

Wooseok wasn’t actually waiting for a reply from Yuto. It was almost seven p.m. and he still didn’t reply to text.

So, when someone rang his door bell’ house in the evening he wasn’t waiting for Yuto to be there.

He was really nervous: he kept passing his hand in his dark hair, revealing his forehead. He was wearing an all-black outfit: a black pair of jeans, ripped on his knees, and a tight black sweater.

Wooseok gulped.

“H-hi” he said after a while. “D-do you… want to come in or… do you need something…”

“Can we walk instead?” Yuto asked.

Wooseok nodded, took his house’ key and went outside, following the older.

They were walking side to side, their hands continuously touching, but they weren’t talking.

“Yuto… maybe we… need to talk about earlier.” The younger finally said.

“Wooseok… I was really mad earlier but I wasn’t lying about a thing: if you want to drop me, just do it, okay” he said very nervous, passing his hand through his hair again.

Wooseok was almost praying him to stop doing that.

“Yuto… it’s not like…”

“Please, Wooseok, don’t lie to me, just say you can’t stand me anymore.”

“WHAT?” the younger practically yelled, scaring a little dog that was happily running in the park on the other side of the street.

“I mean… it’s not easy to deal with some… feelings and… you have a girlfriend now and… that makes the things between us a lot more awkward…”

Wooseok felt his blood flood increasing on his neck, cheeks and ears. He was shaking. He didn’t even know himself what he had on his own mind, and Yuto already knew everything?

“F-feelings? What are you… talking about?” he finally asked, his voice almost cracking.

“Don’t play like you didn’t notice it” the other replied with a sarcastic tone.

“Well, maybe you’re familiar with this kind of things, but I’m not and how you said earlier I have a girlfriend, it’s difficult for me to deal with different feelings at same time.”

“Well, it’s not like you have to deal with too much feelings since we’re talking about _my_ feelings, but I kinda understand what you’re saying and I understand why you want us to stop being friends too”

“Yuto… You can call me dumb tons of times after this but I don’t understand why you’re saying ‘my’ feelings” Wooseok asked, confusion evident in his voice.

They were standing in the middle of the sidewalk, freezing, but they almost didn’t notice that.

Yuto looked at him with a sad smile.

“I don’t know if you’re just being mean or dumb, but we’re talking about my feelings because I started talking about that”

“But… Feelings about being dropped or…”

“OR! Do you actually want to hear that?” Yuto asked. He was really flustered, his cheeks were burning, and he looked anywhere but not at the other.

“I want to hear that because I think we’re referring to … different feelings”

Yuto sighed, than he started talking. 

“Since you want to hear that out loud, please don’t interrupt me, okay? Because if you stop me I’ll never be brave enough to say it. I’m talking about my relationship ending because my ex thought I care about you way more than her, and you could say that’s nothing wrong in that since I know you way more than her, and we’re friends since we were kids, but what to say about that time you told me you have a girlfriend and I wasn’t happy about it, not even a bit? What about those times you’re happy about something and I am jealous because you usually share your happiness with someone else, like Laura or your team but not me? You really wanted to hear that? I hope you’re happy now since I will never be able to look at you in the eyes”.

He wasn’t lying: his eyes were stuck on his feet, and he wasn’t able to talk anymore without crying.

Wooseok on the other hand was so confused…

“So you were… talking about your feelings… about me…” he finally said.

“I can’t do this, Wooseok. I know you don’t want to be my friend anymore because of these feelings. I tried, I really tried to hide what was happening in my mind from you, but apparently I couldn’t manage to do it, since…”

“I didn’t even know what you were talking about before … this” Wooseok interrupted the other. His voice was low, like he was sad.

Yuto was shocked.

“You… didn’t notice anything… so what were you talking about? And why our friendship has come to a dead end if you don’t hate me for… this?”

Wooseok was about to reply, but his phone rang.

It was Laura.

“Look, Yuto, I really, really care for this conversation, now I just have… Why don’t you come to the party tonight?”

Yuto laughed. “Do you really believe they’ll let me in? They’re not my friends, I don’t even know them”

“Just say you’re my friend. Better, text me when you’re arriving, okay?”

“How are we going to talk about this at a party?”

“Look, Yuto, maybe we won’t even have time to say nothing more than ‘hi’ to each other, but since I don’t hate you and I don’t want our friendship to end, I’m asking you to come to a party so we can do… things friends usually do together, okay? I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

Wooseok basically didn’t wait for Yuto’s reply and he ran to get ready. Laura was already waiting for him.


	4. Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: sorry for the waiting! Exams are in 10 days or less + this time I felt like I had a plot in mind but not the right words to tell that ... I still don’t like it but I guess I can’t do better so,,,  
> 

Wooseok was so immersed in his thoughts he barely noticed the girls around him, waiting for his answer for something they just said, Laura included. Five pairs of eyes were laying on him, expectation on the girls’ face. Good thing he wasn’t an anxious person. Or maybe being a popular baseball player and having to play matches in front of noisy crowds every week was helping him relaxing a bit in public events and social interactions, unlike just a year ago.

“What?” he asked when he realized he was the center of their attentions. In that moment it was like someone slowly turned up the volume. He started hearing the music and people talking around him again. It was the beginning of the party, so things were pretty much calm. No one was already drunk or making out.

They laughed, but not Laura. She was a bit pissed since it seemed like he was elsewhere since the morning. He smiled at his girlfriend, trying to prevent her angriness with his little smile she always said she likes, but this time it didn’t seem to work – she even turned her head on the other side, ignoring him.

“I was … not paying attention” Wooseok tried to excuse himself.

Laura mumbled something like “we noticed that”, but he barely heard her, since someone poked his shoulder.

Well, now his mind was ready to stop its wondering since reality just became more interesting.

The one poking his shoulder was Yuto, standing behind him, waiting for Wooseok to notice him, since the younger was the only person he knew there. He was clearly embarrassed and everything in his body language screamed awkwardness. He didn’t want to be there, it was clear to everyone.

Still, he came. Wooseok highly appreciated that.

“Yuto! You’re here!” he said after a few seconds with a smile. He stepped aside so the other could join his friends.

Laura wasn’t really happy about it but she didn’t say anything and nobody noticed her annoyed face.

“Girls, this is Yuto, my best friend” the younger introduced him.

Yuto smiled widely for the _best friend_ part. Maybe their friendship wasn’t lost.

“Where were you hiding this cutie?” One of Laura’s friend asked looking at Yuto clearly interested. “I’m Nicole by the way”

She was right, Yuto was really cute that day. He tried wearing something different for that party, like a tight pair of blue jeans, different from the usual black ones, and a blue sweater, bigger than his size.

“He doesn’t like parties that much” Wooseok said, but Yuto added “I might’ve just changed idea”, looking at Nicole.

Wooseok raised his right eyebrow. What…

“Okay, what about me and Yuto going to search something to eat for all of you?” Wooseok proposed. He was actually just trying to find an excuse to leave for a moment and talk to his friend. And maybe he was a little bit jealous.

The girls nodded. “Hurry” Nicole said “I’ll miss your friend’s cute face”

Yuto blushed and Wooseok laughed while they left the girls, searching for food.

“I’m glad you came” he said to Yuto, going closer to him since all around it was a noisy mess.

“You told me to come, and I did” the older replied. Wooseok felt like that easy sentence had a deeper meaning.

“I think we wouldn’t be able to… talk about… things you said me earlier, since there are a lot of people and… Laura is being a pain in the ass lately to be honest. I think she’s jealous of you” Wooseok said when they found the food. There were a lot of chips, like A LOT, but that was pretty much everything. Wooseok took a whole pack and some empty plates for the girls.

“I don’t think she’s being a pain in the ass” Yuto said with a low voice, lower than usual. Maybe he didn’t want to be heard, but Wooseok did.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I think it’s better if we talk about everything whenever you want but not now, okay?”

“Of course. I don’t want you to focus on everything else than Nicole. Oh, and talking about that…” Wooseok added, but he suddenly stopped, embarrassed.

Yuto smiled. “You’re thinking about what I said to you earlier and me finding a girl interesting, right?”

Wooseok nodded. “Yes, but, it’s not like you have to explain these things to me, you have the right to – “

“I like people” Yuto interrupted him “I don’t care about their gender, I just like people. I wanted to tell you this since a long time, but you asked and…”

“It’s fine” Wooseok said with a smile.

***

There were basically the last words they said to each other that night, since Yuto was somewhere with Nicole and Wooseok was playing the alcoholic version of every game they could think of with his teammates. Laura was… not with him, and that was pretty much everything he knew about the girl right that moment.

The other guys he was playing with were older than him and, most important things, they were already used to parties, alcohol, late nights fun and everything. On the other hand Wooseok was kinda new to those kind of things, since they started inviting him everywhere only when he became relevant in the team. Result: his head was already spinning after a few beers.

Soon, he started feeling like everything was damn funny and damn sad at the same time. He started singing some songs he wasn’t even sure they actually existed.

“Okay, you should stop drinking now” his captain said “the coach won’t accept an hangover as an excuse for your absence tomorrow”

Wooseok stopped playing and drinking – he was a responsible kid after all – while some of his teammates went searching for Laura, since he couldn’t proper walking and he needed some help to go back home.

The girl was really pissed when she saw him.

“I can’t believe this… I can’t do this alone. Some of you have to help me, I can’t carry a giant at home all by myself.” Laura said to the other boys.

“Ask Yuto” he said, a bit confused but not enough to not understand what was happening.

Laura laughed. “He’s busy with Nicole. I think she won the bet after all”.

That was pretty much the last thing he heard, since he puked and then he passed out.


	5. After-party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: sorry for the long hiatus! I had a lot to deal with this past month - exams and my mental health, just to name two - so I really didn't have time to write anything, even if I already have everything planned in my mind ;; I think this is the longest chapter I wrote and I really put a lot of effort in it, so I would really appreciate feedbacks. That said, hope you enjoy!

Wooseok woke up all of a sudden. He didn’t know why his not-so-peaceful sleep was interrupted since nobody in his house was doing even a single noise, but still his eyes were wide open and he knew there wasn’t no way for him to sleep again in that moment, so he stood on his foot. His head started spinning and his vision went totally black, then white, so he sat on the bed for a moment. He felt his cold skin covered in sweat. He tried to reach for his blanket – it was laying on the floor due to his restless body moving all night without him noticing because of some bad dreams – but his head spun even faster, causing him to feel a little bit nauseous. 

He remembered he drank too much the previous night.

“Oh my god, why in the world did I do that…” he asked himself.

He knew he actually did that just to be with his “friends”, but anyways. He also remembered some things Yuto told him.

Wooseok decided it was too early for his malfunctioning brain cells to think about that, so he decided to check himself again. He was… stinky and sweaty. A mess, he concluded without even looking at himself into the mirror, he was already pretty sure of that.

Wooseok carefully went downstairs, putting all of his attention in every step he made. His stomach wasn’t so happy about him moving and every step made things worse. He was hungry, but also thinking about eating made him nauseous. A great feeling indeed.

When he finally arrived in the kitchen he felt like he never did something as difficult as that. He was almost about to celebrate until he saw his mom. 

Everything was a little bit strange and unfamiliar. Of course his eyes weren’t already used to morning light since he just woke up, but everything felt so out of place, like someone just messed up with his daily routine. His mom was cleaning the kitchen like she usually did _after lunch_ , not in the morning since she worked and of course she didn’t have no time to do cleanings before going to work. The outside light also seemed very different from the bright one you expect when you wake in the morning…

“W-what time is it?” he asked. His voice seemed like a “ribbit ribbit”. He tried clearing his throat, but it was so dry it hurt.

“Oh, you woke up” his mom stated sarcastically seeing him standing at the kitchen’s door. She couldn’t hide what she was thinking, since his lips became a line and they almost disappeared.

Wooseok didn’t know, (he could imagine it though) but he was offering a pitiful show: his long hair made him look like a hedgehog since they were up in every direction, his eyes were surrounded by dark circles, his pajama was… a mess.

“It’s almost three p.m. anyway” his mom said after a while.

“Three- oh so I didn’t go to school… oh my god” he said sitting on a chair thinking about his coach. Not a cheerful thought to be honest. His head started spinning again.

His mom ignored him for a while, then she spoke.

“Listen, Wooseok… I don’t know how to say this…”

“Mom, whatever you want to tell me… Can you please wait until I’m… okay at least? Because my head hurts so much right now and I think that’s enough as punishment for now.”

His mom sighed.

“Okay, take this and go to bed” she said giving him a glass of water with… something in it. Something for his headache for sure. 

***

Wooseok woke up on his bed again. He honestly didn’t even remember going to bed again. 

His head didn’t hurt, but still he was a little bit confused since he slept almost all day.

He was very hungry and this time his stomach felt okay so he decided to go in the kitchen again to go find something to eat. His blood pressure was very low since he didn’t eat anything since almost twenty-four hours.

His mom wasn’t in the kitchen, so he took a little slice of his favorite soft bread – and nothing else to not test his stomach already – and went eating in the “tv room”. 

His mom was there with a book left open on her knees. She was looking outside through the windows. It was what they call “golden hour”: the sun was slowly disappearing and the sky was turning from orange to soft pink.

“Hi” he said surprising her and slowly sitting near her mom on the sofa. She looked at him eating without using anything to prevent crumbs to dirt the floor but she decided to stay silent about it to avoid any unnecessary discussion… a longer and more important one was waiting for them, Wooseok could feel a little tension in the air. He was expecting that and he knew he deserved his mom’s nagging to be honest, so it was okay. At least he had some time to prepare himself.

“Hi” she just said after a while. 

Wooseok didn’t know if it was for his state of mind, for the “romantic” hour of the day and color of the sky or what, but he suddenly felt so grateful for his mom. She was just sitting there, silent, even though he skipped school that day because of him not being a responsible boy like he always used to be before. Of course she was going to nag him for that later, but now he was giving him a few personal space. From time to time Karma just looked at him, not smiling but not even with an angry look on his face.

“Oh my God, mom can I hug you?” he suddenly said when everything in his mind became too much.

“My boy, as a mom I will say no to a lot of requests you will make, but surely not to a hug”

Karma hugged him tightly. Wooseok almost felt like it was six, already taller than his classmates but still a baby. He knew his mom still saw him like that, like his grown up boy, and not like one of the most famous students of his year.

Wooseok decided to stop avoiding the elephant in the room.

“Mom… I’m so sorry for tonight… I mean, last night… I didn’t notice I was drinking too much since I was playing… this stupid game with my team and of course I didn’t even notice it was so late…”

“Wooseok, I don’t want to know everything you did last night because I trust you and I know you’ll never do anything illegal or too risky for yourself or everyone else but please be careful of… what you do to yourself, the people you spend time with or… I don’t know, you’re so much different lately…”

“Mom, there’s a lot happening into my life at the moment and maybe sometimes I just got too caught up by things and what others expect me to do in certain situations like last night… and maybe I need a pause from some people and…”

“Is Yuto between those people you need to take a pause from?” she interrupted him.

“I thought so to be honest, but maybe I need him in my life more than ever… You know, just to remind myself who I really am. I’m not this boy who goes to parties, get drunk and… I’m definitely not Laura’s boyfriend. I want to end things with her.”

“Are things complicated with Laura?” his mom asked him.

“No. Actually it’s very easy: I just don’t love her. I should tell her that as soon as possible” he said.

“Wait. You said you don’t want to cut off Yuto from your life, didn’t you? Because he came searching for you two times today, before and after school. You should at least text him because I don’t think he believed me when I told him you were sleeping both before and after school…”

“Oh, about that, I’m sorry I---“ Wooseok started, but his mom laughed.

“Your coach will punish you enough. Now go make yourself decent and go see Yuto. I have just one request.”

He didn’t reply, waiting for whatever his mom was about to ask. Things went really better than he was expecting, maybe he could do what his mom was about to ask.

“You said earlier you sometimes you ‘go with the flow’, you get caught up in things… I’m not expecting you to tell me everything you have in your mind but… Just know I’m always here to help you, you HAVE to remember I want to help you, okay? You can talk to me when things are too much for you to handle, okay?”

Wooseok didn’t reply, he simply hugged his mom, thinking about what he had lately on his mind and asking himself, maybe for the first time, what Karma’s reaction could be.

“Oh my God Wooseok, you really stink” his mom said after a while, laughing.

After that comment Wooseok realized he maybe didn’t need to get dressed up to see his best friend, but he surely had to take a shower since he wasn’t giving the _française eau de toilette_ feeling at the moment, so he texted Yuto.

_ My mom told me you went looking for me. Is it okay if we meet in half an hour? _

Wooseok was a bit flustered so he didn’t wait for his friend’s reply and went showering. He was already picking something to wear – a skinny pair of jeans and a black sweater – when he finally decided it was time for him to check his phone, at least to know if they were actually going to meet.

_ Sure. I’ll be at your’s in half an hour. _

***

A bit later Wooseok and Yuto were sitting on the stairs on the back of the older’s house. The younger decided he wanted to be “far” from his house in order to be able to speak freely. Yuto accepted it without discussing.

Wooseok decided he had to speak first to explain himself better.

“These days you told me a lot of things to think about” he started. “Am I being a fool since I already made up my mind about it? I don’t know, but there’s no benefit into delaying this moment, so the sooner the better, don’t you agree?”

Yuto nodded. “The sooner the better. It’s all in our advantage”.

Wooseok nodded too. “I think everything started when I told you I basically didn’t want to be your friend anymore using shitty excuses. It’s…” he stopped talking, his face clearly showing he was frustrated.

“Wooseok, I accused you when you told me that, but maybe you had your reasons…”

“Don’t make things worst! There’s no reason in the world to justify how I treated you, don’t try to be the I-understand-you type!” Wooseok interrupted Yuto almost yelling.

Yuto was a little bit shocked from the sudden “attack”, so he didn’t reply. 

“I actually had a reason to treat like that, but… No, it isn’t a reason, just a… Look, I’m not trying to justify myself because I know I’ve been a shitty friend lately and…”

Yuto put his hands on Wooseok’s shoulders. “Stop. Breathe for a moment then start again. Calmly. I’m here to listen to you. I will listen to everything you have to say to me. Breathe.”

Wooseok didn’t say anything for a few seconds, briefly but deeply inhaling and exhaling hair.

“Okay, so, let’s start again. I’ll try to be clearer now” Wooseok said after a while with a lower voice. “I don’t know if you’ll understand me since you’ve been there already, or maybe this will help you to understand why I was acting that way lately. It’s just we’re _so_ close since childhood. I don’t know if anyone else is lucky enough to find someone to have with a bond similar to the one we have. But… I don’t think I understand that bond anymore. Where’s the end of friendship and the beginning of… _something else_ , you know…”

Yuto didn’t say anything, still waiting for Wooseok to go on. The younger was almost hoping to be interrupted, but he actually wasn’t expecting that knowing how Yuto felt for him. The older was obviously trying not to lose control on his hopes.

“Something else like… I don’t know, what did you feel when you decided to tell me I’m not just your best friend? I think I felt something similar and I panicked. I mean… I have a girlfriend and… I’m that popular… It’s not like I’m saying you have to be popular to be my friend!” he added with a slightly higher voice to avoid any interruptions “it’s just… I’m an easy target being that popular. I mean, imagine how people who want my place in the team could use… that…”

Yuto nodded. “Hearing this, I don’t think I can blame you and I can’t even be angry since… you’re in a difficult situation”

“Yuto, please, drop that façade. I’m a coward, that’s it.”

“You’re not a-” Yuto tried to interrupt him, but Wooseok continued. “I am a coward and you can’t change my mind. What did you do when you understood what you were feeling? You broke up with your girlfriend and you even told me what was happening! Even risking breaking our friendship and even when I was being the little shit I am!”

“Do you think I decided that in one day? Do you think I just woke up one day and decided to tell you that?” Yuto interrupted him with a sarcastic grin on his face. “Do you really think that’s what happened? Gosh, I’m so sorry to put up so much pressure on you!”

“Again with this sorry shit!” Wooseok yelled.

“Yes, I’m sorry! Because I understand what it feels like being with a person and catching up with feelings for another person!”

Wooseok looked down and he blushed before saying “Yuto… can I ask you a question? Feel free to ignore this if it’s… weird, okay?”

The older nodded.

“Okay, so, you told me… You like both… girls and boys but… How do you… know that?”

“Are we talking about… feelings or…”

“BOTH. I mean, aren’t them the same things?”

“It’s not like I’m a guru in these things, but they’re not the same. You can like this person’s body but not having a single feeling about them” Yuto tried to explain. “At some point, I just understood I like boys too, not only physically.”

“Okay, but did you had some experience… Someone who made you understand it?”

“Wooseok, I literally confessed to you, what do you think?”

“This is not what I’m trying to say!” Wooseok said blushing. “I’m trying to understand how do you… if I like girls too!”

Wooseok hid his face between his hands. He finally said it, he finally let go what he was worrying about the most. What if he wasn’t interested in girls? Not at all?

“Like you told me before, feel free to ignore my question, but give yourself these answers, okay?”

Wooseok nodded, his hands still hiding his face.

“Do you… feel things for Laura?”

“Things like what?” 

This time was Yuto’s turn to blush. “Don’t you just… have a crush for her or … Don’t you feel the need to kiss her and…”

“I never wanted to do nothing with her more than kissing and sometimes I felt very uncomfortable doing that and… I don’t know if I have or had a crush for her since I want to broke up with her.”

“Maybe I choose the wrong question since you apparently don’t like her, not anymore at least. Did you ever feel _something_ for a girl?”

Wooseok didn’t reply. The thing was, he never felt the need to ask a girl out, he didn’t with Laura herself.

“But when it’s about you…” Wooseok whispered without realizing he said that out loud.

“What?” Yuto asked.

“What?” Wooseok replied, blushing again.

“I thought you said something? But I don’t want to push you”

“No, it’s okay, maybe I should be honest about that. I realized I’ve never felt anything at all for a girl. Maybe I just didn’t meet the right one, but… I remembered the first time I clearly felt something for someone… it was _you_ ”

Yuto didn’t reply, hoping to hearing more about that.

“Do you remember that night when we fell asleep on my bed? At first I was actually sleeping, but then… I woke up and I realized you were still there. And you were looking at me and Goyangi, don’t even deny that! I should’ve felt weird, right? But I actually felt like everything was _just right_ , and I was so disappointed when you decided to go…”

Wooseok stopped talking since Yuto was laughing.

“What’s so funny about that, you dumbass” he said, hitting the older on his arm, pouting without even noticing since he was really offended.

“Do you want to know why I left?” Yuto replied after a while with a serious face, trying to hide what he was thinking about Wooseok pouting (‘cute’).

“Of course. And I hope it’s a good story or I’ll never forgive you for laughing”

“You’ll be the judge. The night before, Laura and me met. She basically wanted to meet me to end our relationship… actually I think she wanted to be stopped in that, but I couldn’t do it since she made me notice I treated her unfairly compared to you. She’s maybe the one who gave voice to something I was slowly but already realizing: I like you. I really liked her before and that’s why at some point I asked her to date, but I just don’t like her anymore. Anyway, maybe sometimes I told you she really loves Ed Sheeran, didn’t I? There was this song playing while we were talking, and it said something like ‘you don’t sleep in your best friend’s bed’… I was thinking about that song when I left your room because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I really liked being there. You were so peaceful, sleeping with your cat… but it didn’t feel right… I felt like I was taking advantage of you. That’s why I was laughing before”

Yuto stopped talking, his throat a little bit dry, but Wooseok didn’t reply.

“I… I actually don’t know what to say.” the younger said after a while “I’m not crept by you, of course. I actually appreciate your concern, let’s say this”

Yuto nodded.

“That’s so awkward but… What should we do now?” Wooseok asked.

Yuto nervously scratched the back of his neck. “Do you think you need some… space after this? I’m totally fine with this and I’ll wait for you to make up your mind without giving you any pressure”

“I don’t think this will work since I’m trying to understand… I don’t think this will work” Wooseok replied.

“I’m open to any suggestions” Yuto said after a while.

“I think we should… try to go back to… what we were before this. I will try to not ignore my feelings – I promise this, I’ll try to understand them. I just ask you some time to deal with… Laura, the team, my mom, even myself”

Yuto took Wooseok’ right hand between his.

“I’ll wait for you, whatever decision you’ll come up with.” He finally said, looking right in the other’s eyes.

***

He basically slept all day; nevertheless Wooseok was already tired after his long conversation with Yuto.

He thought about his mom and Yuto. They had every right to be mad at him, but still they treated him with kindness.

“Well, maybe I’ll have what I deserve tomorrow morning” he said right before falling asleep, thinking about Laura and the coach.


	6. What he thinks he deserves

Wooseok was right the night before. Laura was really there to give him what he deserved for being like… that.

Laura and him were sitting in a coffee shop, the one everyone in their school liked to go basically always – before and after school, before basketball matches, on Sundays, the evening for studying. Some of them even worked there. Everything was made in wood – tables, chairs, even the walls were covered in it. Photographs picturing his school’ most famous students were hanging here and there. One of his team goals was actually being on those walls.

“Listen” Laura said after a while “you asked me to meet before school because we have to talk. I know you enough to know what you’re about to tell me, but can you please tell me that and stop this wasting of time?”

“Well, I didn’t know I was a wasting of time” Wooseok replied, looking but without actually seeing some of his schoolmates entering the coffee shop they were sitting in.

“Don’t even try to play the victim with me. You became a waste of time for me when you made clear who’s the priority in your life. I do have EVERY right to be mad at you”

Wooseok finally looked at her in the eyes. He was actually scared.

“You… you already know this, don’t you?” he asked.

Laura looked at this cold coffee standing right in front of her. Anything but not his eyes, those bambi eyes who made her fall for him. Right now they were looking at her with fear in them, and even if she was very angry with the boy in that moment, _and she had every right to be mad_ , she quoted herself in a wanna-be-convincing tone, she couldn’t stand that look. She couldn’t stand seeing him in actual misery, but also his pride was urging her to say mean things in the attempt to feel a little better.

“I don’t need a high IQ to understand who’s in your mind” she replied.

“You… you didn’t tell anybody about that, right?” Wooseok asked, even more scared than before.

“You treated me like shit but still you don’t have any shame into make requests, I see”.

“Laura, do you think it’s easy for me to…”

“Enough, I can’t stand you” she said with an high tone and standing up. Some students turned their head to look at her, curious looks on their faces.

Wooseok tried to reply, but Laura interrupted him again. She went closer to him, her face just a few inches from Wooseok’ nose. She couldn’t help to look at his lips, but what she said wasn’t even remotely close to that feeling.

“Nobody, literally nobody cares about who you’d like to fuck. Grow a pair, Wooseok”

She left after that. Everybody was looking at her and he knew everyone heard her. 

“I’m screwed” he said to himself, paying for the coffees they didn’t even touch and going to school.

***

“Do you think you can come back anytime you want without anyone making you notice how unprofessional you are?”

Wooseok didn’t look at the floor. He was sitting a bench while the coach was standing right beside him. Wooseok knew it was his fault, but still he wanted to try to justify himself.

“No, coach. I know I surely have caused you trouble not being here yesterday. I was too sick to even get up from my bed.”

“Do you think I don’t know you were ‘sick’?” the coach asked sarcastically. The other boys were actually worried for Wooseok.

The boy didn’t reply, but still he didn’t look down.

“I’m just telling you… You were sick? Why didn’t let anyone know this? Why didn’t tell your friends?”

“I… I wasn’t aware of… I just slept all day and I…”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’ll not be a regular in the next match”

Some of the other boys couldn’t help themselves and released a loud “no” before they could’ve even noticed that they were actually talking and not just thinking.

“Do you think it’s easy for me?” the coach asked, talking to the other boys “do you all think it’s easy for me to say to one of our best players to not play in one of our important matches? But how do you think you’ll learn respect if I don’t do this? Being a good player isn’t enough, you have to be a good person before”

“You’re free to leave since you won’t be playing next Sunday” he added after a while.

Wooseok was about to nod and leave, but then something happened in him.

“I don’t think I’ll leave. I already skipped yesterday, I’m not in the position to leave again”.

His coach didn’t reply, he ignored him and turned his head.

Wooseok couldn’t see that, but he was smiling. He was proud of Wooseok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some of you noticed, but, in case you didn't: I had the general inspiration and feeling for the Laura/Wooseok scene from something similar in Skam It! Check it out, it's actually a good serie! Hope you enjoyed, see you next chapter ;;


	7. Sandy

“I thought you decided not to ignore me” a familiar voice said right behind him. Wooseok was focusing on the inside of his locker, searching for his notebooks, so he almost jumped when he heard him.  
Yuto laughed at the younger’s funny expression. He looked like he just saw a ghost. Yuto’s appearance was often judged “scary” by those whom didn’t know him, but not by Wooseok since they were the same height.  
“Why are you laughing, you dumb” Wooseok said punching Yuto on his arm “Is this your job now, laughing whenever I do something?”  
“Nope, but I could consider that as a full-time job. I think you’re funny, is that a crime?” Yuto asked, laughing even more at Wooseok’s annoyed face.  
“I’m not ignoring you anyway... I had a though day yesterday” Wooseok explained, ignoring Yuto’s question.  
“I was kidding. Is everything alright?” the older asked, sincerely concerned. Yuto could only imagine what was going on in Wooseok’s head and life.  
Wooseok sighed. Was everything okay? Laura was out there probably telling everyone what she was suspecting about him and… it wasn’t like he was planning to hide that from everyone forever – he realized he had to tell that at least to know if he could trust his “friends” – but he needed to go down that path at his own “pace”. Even his mom didn’t know anything. To be honest he wasn’t even sure about “the thing”.  
Wooseok was about to answer, but then he noticed some girls looking at them. At first he ignored them since he was used to that type of attentions he used to receive lately from girls, but this time it wasn’t _that_. They were… laughing?  
“What was that about?” Yuto asked. He was destined to make questions and not having answers that day, since Wooseok didn’t reply, again.  
“I don’t have a good feeling about that.”  
“Wooseok, please, can you tell me what’s happening?”  
“I think this will take long then we have now… Lessons are starting in few minutes. Can we meet in the cafeteria at lunch?”   
Yuto nodded and then they parted ways.  
Yuto had a Biology lesson while Wooseok was heading to his English Literature class.  
When he entered the room he noticed the teacher desk was still empty. His teacher was late as always, so students were chatting in class about this and that.   
One of the groups of students was the loudest. They weren’t fighting by the way, they were just talking about something so interesting they couldn’t control excitement.  
“I was there! I’m telling you, there’s more behind that and Laura knows something!” a girl in that group was almost yelling when Wooseok entered class.  
The girl didn’t notice he was there, but someone close to her did, so he poked her arm, suggesting to be more silent. The other boys and girls listening to her looked at his direction with a very awkward expression. Someone laughed, someone else pretended they suddenly remembered something really important to do and left, heading to their desks. Even students he didn’t talk before were listening to the girl. He recognized her: she was at the cafeteria the day before. Wooseok was pretty sure about what they were talking about.  
“You could directly ask Laura… or him, since he’s here, instead of holding a political meeting. But maybe some of you just need attentions. I have some news for you, Middle Age ended centuries ago” a girl near the one gossiping said, going closer to her until their faces almost touched. She was very short but his eyes and gaze made soon clear who the scariest one was.  
Someone jokingly said “kiss!” while Wooseok just looked at that in disbelief. They never talked before. Why was her defending him?  
He didn’t have time to ask the girl about that since their teacher arrived right in that moment.  
He sat on his desk near the window ignoring everyone, even his teacher speaking. He was right about his bad feeling earlier, and he felt like things could only go worse.

***

Lessons before lunch were over, so Wooseok went to the cafeteria. He wasn’t that hungry, but he had to meet with Yuto, so he had at least to show up.  
The line was still short, but he actually didn’t care: he hated the school’s food, he always ended up eating just half of what they gave him.  
He looked around: searching for Yuto, of course, but also for the girl whom defended him early that morning. He wanted to thank her and ask why she did that.  
He sat on a still empty table. He felt weird being all alone, but nobody from the team was there, Yuto neither.  
He looked at the hamburger in his plate: the meat looked “aged”. In conclusion he was going to skip lunch.  
Right in that moment two girls passed near him. One of them had a loud laugh, but Wooseok was looking at the other: she was the one he was searching for.  
“Ehi!” he said, standing, trying to catch her attention.  
He succeeded since the girls both looked at him.  
“Ehi” he said again with a lower tone, standing in front of the two of them and scratching the back of his neck out of nervousness “I’m sorry if I almost yelled, I needed to talk to you”  
“Do I need to leave?” the other girl asked with a smirk.  
Wooseok was about to say that wasn’t needed, but he wasn’t interrupted.  
“Don’t be a fool, this is not what are you thinking about… but yes, we’ll catch later”  
They quickly agreed to meet later, then the girl gave him his full attention.  
“You said you need to talk to me. I’ll listen”  
“Can we seat? Everyone is looking at us, it feels weird” Wooseok asked shyly. Also there was so mech height difference between the she was basically looking up. He didn’t want to thank her giving her a neck pain.  
“Oh, I didn’t even notice that… Okay, the let’s sit”  
The girl sat in front of him.  
Wooseok looked at her. She was pretty “remarkable”: blonde dyed hair, big blue eyes, the lower part of his face looking like a heart and a pretty small nose. She was also… let’s say a lot of other boys wouldn’t have focused on his eyes while talking to her.  
“Well, first of all, I’m Wooseok, but probably you already know that” he said trying to smile.  
“Of course I know! You’re quite a celebrity in this school. I’m Sandy by the way” she replied. Her voice was so high pitched it was almost funny.  
“Sandy. Uhm, well. I just wanted to know… I’m just curious and I want to thank you about that… Why you… Uhm… Why you took my side earlier… like, we don’t even know each other and…”  
“Oh, I hope that didn’t bother you. Actually there are a lot of reasons. First of all, she was assuming things about you. I’ll speak honestly, since you’ll probably hear that from someone else. She was telling everyone Laura broke up with you because you’re … not attracted by girls. And that’s mean because you can’t just say that about a person just because he doesn’t like you. And even if you don’t like girls I don’t think people have the right to say that, it’s a personal matter and even if she has reasons to be angry at you she shouldn’t… Wooseok, are you okay? ”  
Sandy stopped talking and grabbed his arm. Wooseok hid his face in his hands. He was so shocked he couldn’t even cry.  
It wasn’t like he wasn’t expecting that. He treated Laura like shit and maybe he deserved an equal shitty treatment, but not that.   
Hearing that from someone else. Someone he didn’t even know. She really hated him that much, she was going to ruin him in front of everyone.  
That could potentially ruin his life.  
“No, I’m not okay. I… I don’t know what to say, oh my God”.  
“Why don’t we go outside? There’s a warm sun and you definitely need some air”.  
Wooseok nodded and followed her outside. He didn’t even look around and honestly he couldn’t care less if someone was curious about where they were going. They were already talking about him, this couldn’t be worse.  
Other students were outside the building enjoying the sun warmth, eating something before those evening classes. The sun wasn’t that hot since it was almost Halloween, but at least there was some light and honestly they were just glad to escape the school’s walls even for just a quarter.  
“Wooseok, I don’t know if I can help you in any way, but please let me know if I can do something for you, okay?” she finally asked after a while.  
Wooseok was leaning on a wall and Sandy was in front of him.  
“I wasn’t expecting her to be so mean. It’s not like I was the best boyfriend in the world, but this is… I don’t even know…”  
“Wooseok, she’s basically outing you without your consent. That’s wrong and anything you did to hear could justify this”  
“Do you want to know the funnier part? She thinks I like a boy, but I don’t even know if I like… Oh my God, I totally forgot I had to meet Yuto! I totally forgot!”  
He took his phone. Three unread texts were waiting for him.  
_“Your new girlfriend is pretty”_ said the last one.


	8. Hot chocolate

Yuto mentally cursed himself. He didn’t check who rang the bell before opening the door, since he was expecting for his mom to come back from buying food for dinner, so he totally wasn’t expecting for Wooseok to be there.

To be sure, he wasn’t expecting that version of Wooseok. The boy was standing there totally looking like a lost kid, his big eyes expressing his sorrow and regret. He was wearing an extra-large sweatshirt and a pair of sweater pants, both grey. Yuto mentally smiled because he knew Wooseok used to wear those kind of stuffs when he needed to feel small – and he felt that need very often.

Anyway a part of Yuto was still feeling mad and maybe jealous for earlier, so he suppressed the rising smile on his face.

“Wooseok, there’s a reason if I’m ignoring your texts and your calls…” he said, but the younger interrupted him.

“Oh, so there’s a reason behind your childish behavior? I’m intrigued” Wooseok quickly replied, cocky, the sorry look already disappearing.

“How you dare talk to me like that? You should be saying me ‘sorry’ and nothing else”.

“WELL, you can’t say I’m not trying to do it, since you’re the one who’s purposely ignoring me and you just said that!”

Yuto covered his eyes with his hands, sighing.

Wooseok put his hand on Yuto’s wrist. “Look, I know you have every reason right now to be mad at me, but I promise you I have an explanation and I’m willing to say everything to you. I’ll buy you a hot chocolate if you’ll allow me”

Yuto smiled, shyly. “Can I buy the one with cream on top?” he asked, removing his hands from his eyes, looking at Wooseok’s hand still on his wrist. He felt warm and he didn’t want that moment to end.

“Double cream or nothing!”

***

Yuto was not sure of where Wooseok was leading him. At first he thought they were going to the cafeteria near their school, but he took him at the bus stop.

“Don’t ask anything, I just know this nice place and I wanted to go since forever… I think this is the best occasion to go”.

Yuto nodded. “Are you trying to impress me? You’re even taking me to a fancy place!”.

“Don’t be a fool, my face is enough to impress everyone” Wooseok said, laughing, but then he blushed and looked down, smiling softly.

Yuto mentally cursed himself for not being able to be indifferent to that soft smile… His stomach on the other hand was having the time of his life.

Maybe Yuto was right, the other one said himself. Wooseok didn’t know what he was doing, but he felt like he needed a special place to talk to his friend, and he felt like a fool for not being able to hide it.

The bus ride was pretty silent. There weren’t no passengers except for an old lady and a couple sitting on the back holding hands.

Wooseok sat near the bus’ window, Yuto beside him. At first he wanted to start talking but he realized it wasn’t the right moment.

Nobody was talking and he kinda felt shy about interrupting that silence. Everyone else was silent for a reason: the sky was beautiful and everyone was looking at it. It was that time of the day when the sun is leaving to go visit other places on earth, so the sky slowly turns to pink, orange, red, blue, violet, altogether. That sunlight was making them feel like they’ve never looked at their town’ streets before. Kids were playing with old balls in the streets, finally free from school homeworks, yelling and making a lot of unnecessary noises. Wooseok couldn’t blame them: sometimes he found yelling funny too.

He “spied” on Yuto: the oldest was looking outside the window, a sheepish smile on his face, totally immersed in his thoughts. He looked so relaxed and soft… until he noticed where the other was looking at.

“Ehi” he whispered “don’t miss the outside spectacle”.

Wooseok didn’t reply. He totally couldn’t say the cheesy line he thought of looking at Yuto.

***

After basically almost half of an hour ride, they arrived at the selected place. Yuto looked around, curious: they were really far from the town’s center. The neighborhood looked cheap: everything around was grey, but not like the cute shade Wooseok was wearing, more like “cigarettes ashes” grey. To understand in what kind of neighborhood they were, you can picture the movie scenes where they show a city in the middle of the first industrial revolution.

The cafeteria where they were heading seemed like it didn’t belong there: small white curtains were placed on the windows, so the inside couldn’t be seen without being inside. It was called “chocolat”, or at least letters made of iron placed right under the door suggested that way. Yuto supposed it was the French version of the word “chocolate”.

When they entered Yuto almost opened his mouth out of surprise. That place was so elegant and fancy, when Wooseok found out about it? Sofa were totally covered in black leather, tables were made of black wood, the lights were kinda off but it was on purpose. The other people seating on the sofas were very elegant…

Yuto felt out of place just standing there.

Those thoughts were interrupted by a guy, obviously part of the staff, whom greeted them. The boy was smaller than them, of course, and he was wearing a total black outfit.

“Welcome” he simply said.

Yuto felt like the guy didn’t need to say anything else, since his warm smile was speaking for him, welcoming them again, making them feel wanted in that place.

On the other hand, Wooseok couldn’t hide his shock. Wooseok felt like that smile could’ve made him a “victim” of it, if it wasn’t for the guy’s hair: they were totally dyed in white.

“Hi” Yuto replied, since it seemed like Wooseok totally forgot he could speak.

“It’s just the two of you? I have a small table for the two of you, in a ‘hidden’ corner, far from the others… Just what a cute couple like you needs”.

The both of them tried to reply they weren’t together in that sense, but he was already walking, guiding them to the said table.

At least he was right. The table was far from the other ones. They were surrounded by pictures hanging on the walls.

“I really can’t take you seriously right now… There’s a funny pic basically on your head” Yuto said at Wooseok.

Wooseok and the waiter looked behind him. The picture Yuto was talking about was totally black, with a red point in the middle.

“What’s so funny about that? Why do you find literally everything funny?”

Yuto eye rolled but didn’t reply.

“Well, I guess it’s funny, if you think about it. What’s so majestic about a red point you even need to hang it on a wall?”

“See? Maybe you’re the one who’s not funny!”

Wooseok didn’t shut up, aiming to have the last word. “You’re his client, he can’t tell you’re wrong”.

“You’re his client too to be fair… You’re the one who’s paying, he should be saying you’re right if that’s so”.

“He’s the one who’s paying? Oh no, I think he’s right, the picture is not funny” the waiter said, causing the three of them to laugh.

“Anyway, I’m bringing you the menu so you can choose what do you want to order, okay?” he asked and left without waiting for their reply.

“He seems funny” Yuto commented, drinking a little bit of sparkling water. It was on the table before their arriving, to allow everyone who was going to eat there to “wash” their mouth and feel the taste of the chocolate at its best.

The guy was back with two menus.

“Of course you’re free to choose whatever you want, but today we have this special menu for couples – two mugs of chocolate, biscuits and whipped cream” he suggested, giving them the menus.

“I think that’s cute, but we’re not a couple” Yuto explained.

“What? Don’t tell me you’re both straights… And you definitely look like a couple” the waiter said.

“Well, we’re not a couple, but I can’t tell anything about the straight part” Yuto said again.

Wooseok was silent, just listening. Were they… flirting? Right in front of him?

“Well, my name is Hyunggu and I’ll give you my number later” the waiter said, leaving them alone to let them choose what to order.

_ Yes _ , _they’re definitely flirting_ , Wooseok said to himself, not liking that.

***

After at least ten minutes of awkward silence, two black mugs were there, full of hot chocolate – with double cream on top for Yuto.

The guy also gave them some cookies and other cute sweets in small plates with the chocolates they ordered.

“You don’t have to pay for these. It’s a small gift from me” he explained with a smile directed to Yuto before leaving. 

Yuto was blushing, but he didn’t seem awkward about that. Wooseok decided to taste one of the biscuits.

“Ehi!” Yuto said jokingly “I conquered these cookies with my charm!”

“Well, I wish I had your charm, because I bet that’s what heaven tastes like” Wooseok replied with a serious look on his face.

Yuto tasted them too, curious thanks to Wooseok’s remark.

“Well, maybe it depends on who’s looking at you… I bet your new girlfriend finds you charming at least”.

Wooseok froze. He almost forgot why they were there.

He became nervous. It wasn’t like he was avoiding the topic, but maybe Yuto felt like that and now he was mad at him.

“Oh, well, about that, she’s not my girlfriend… I’m sorry to say this, but that text you send me will be the last thing we’ll talk about… I have to explain to you some other things before”.

“I don’t know if I should be relieved by you not having a girlfriend or pissed because you ditched me just for a random girl”.

Wooseok didn’t miss his chance. “And why you should be relieved by me not having a girlfriend?”

Yuto blushed and tried to change the topic. “It’s not like you have to explain why you already have a girlfriend, I just want to know why you didn’t show up since we were supposed to meet at lunch”.

Maybe Wooseok was imagining things, but he felt like the other one was a little bit jealous. “Yuto, she’s not my girlfriend, but I have to explain you some things before we can talk about Sandy”.

“Sandy”, Yuto repeated letting a little piece of a biscuit fall in his chocolate.

“Yes, her name is Sandy, but I told you I don’t want to…”

“Oh, you told me you don’t want to talk about her, so we won’t because you don’t want it, isn’t it?” Yuto interrupted him again, his fists on his knees to avoid crashing something.

“I didn’t tell I don’t want to talk about her! I said I have to tell some things before that or you won’t understand!”

“I’m not dumb, you know? You were avoiding me AGAIN, and when we’re supposed to meet you didn’t show up and I saw you with a girl right in that moment! Tell me what I am supposed to think!”

“Well, first of all I think you’re being jealous! You don’t have any right to be jealous of me! Not now, after being all flirty with that Hyunggu guy!” Wooseok almost yelled.

Yuto smirked. “Well, now you know how it feels”.

Wooseok breathed deeply before replying. “I think we’re both being childish now”.

Yuto looked away. Wooseok followed the direction of his look with his eyes, and he found out he was looking at Hyunggu.

“Can you stop this? I’m trying to talk about an important thing!”

“So I don’t have any right to be jealous of you, but you have. Interesting”.

“I’m not jealous of you. Flirt with whoever you want, but at least listen to me”.

Yuto looked right in Wooseok’s eyes. “Answer this. Why do you think I am being like this? Ignoring you, then … coming on what’s looking like a date and flirting with a random dude right in front of you?”

“I think that’s a lot to understand and I would appreciate if you’ll explain me, since my last alive braincell isn’t able to keep up with this”.

“Well, I’m flirting with someone to see your reaction… And I was ignoring you because I knew I didn’t have any right to be jealous, but I was, so I was mad at me for being it, and at you for making me feel like that.”

“Well, you have a weird way to show you were mad at yourself, since you’ve been ignoring me!”

Yuto opened his mouth to answer, but before doing that, he laughed.

Wooseok look at him like he was seeing the older going crazy, his right eyebrow slightly rose up.

“Well, it’s not like I can ignore myself, plus I’m being jealous of you, so I thought the best solution was ignoring you. Oh, and the flirting part. Maybe if you felt the same…”.

“Well, I hope you think twice next time” Wooseok interrupted him, ignoring him on the other thing.

“Well, I hope you show up next time we’re supposed to meet” Yuto mocked him, swallowing a little bit of chocolate to hide his smirk behind the mug.

“I told you I have an explanation for that, can I speak now or you have to be a bitch again?”

“You know, there are only two reasons why I’m here listening to you. The chocolate, of course, but also the look you gave me earlier, when you knocked at my door. You totally looked like a lost puppy. Give me that look again and maybe I’ll listen to you”

Wooseok widened his eyes. “What are you talking about? What exact look do I gave you? Please tell me and I’ll do right away, at least you’ll shut up”

“Well, you looked like… you were sorry. Unlike now. I’m starting to wonder if you didn’t think I’ll simply let this slide just because you are going to pay me chocolate”.

Wooseok looked down, biting his lower lip from the inside. “Yuto, maybe I didn’t explain myself… I am sorry. I really am, I just wanted to let you know why I totally forgot to meet up with you”.

Yuto nodded. “Much better. Now I’ll listen”

“Okay, so… A few days ago we talked about not suppressing feelings and emotions and things like that. So, the first thing I thought about right after that was ‘I have to break up with Laura’. I’m confused about a lot of things about me right now, but I know for sure I don’t like Laura, not even a bit. But apparently Laura doesn’t like me too… we met and she told me … she knows why I wanted to break up with her”.

“Do you mean…” Yuto started, his eyes opening wider.

“Yes, she thinks I like you. And… she’s not keeping that for herself. I’m not sure about this to be honest since she basically told me nobody cares about who I do… _like_ ” Wooseok felt weird thinking about the exact word she used “and a lot of other students heard her, but anyway now a lot of people know and…”

Yuto took his hand.

“I’m really sorry. Really, really sorry”. Yuto wanted to add something else, but he knew it was a waste of time.

Wooseok looked at their hand, and he decided to look there while saying the rest.

“Yesterday, right after we met in the corridors, before the lesson began, a lot of people in my class were… speculating about me and… And” he added quickly before Yuto could have said “sorry” again “this random girl I never talked to before took my side. She said to everyone to mind their own business and… things like that, a real badass! So, here we go with your text”.

“Oh, so the girl I saw you with was … the girl who defended you…” Yuto said, looking like a balloon losing its hair.

“Exactly! And I didn’t know her name, but I still wanted to thank her for what she did, so … when I saw her I stopped her and…”

“Wooseok, you were right, I was being really mean to you earlier and…” Yuto interrupted the younger, but Wooseok interrupted his sentence right in the middle.

“Now, there’s two things we can do: admit we’re both wrong and drink the rest of the chocolate before it gets too cold, what do you say about this?”

***

After almost a total of an hour in that place, laughing and just enjoying being together like the old times, they were on the bus again, on their way home.

Unless… Wooseok realized old times were gone. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Things need to change and evolve to survive, and maybe that was happening to their friendship too.

But, the point was: what was happening to them? Wooseok asked that himself thinking about Hyunggu. Right before they went away, Hyunggu reached them. He was smiling again and he had a little piece of paper in his hand.

Yuto was thinking about that piece of paper Hyunggu gave him, with ten numbers written on it and nothing else, while going back home.

What he was going to do with that? It wasn’t like he could’ve wait for Wooseok forever, and… Hyunggu was cute…

“Wooseok, I don’t think… I don’t think we can be friends anymore” he said at the end.

He knew Wooseok could’ve thought this was for Hyunggu only, but it wasn’t like that.

Wooseok looked at the other in disbelief.

“It’ll sound like a cliché to you, but it’s not your fault, it’s mine. I’m not supposed to feel jealous about a friend and I’m afraid I’ll become a toxic person to you. I’m not sure I can handle our friendship if you’ll find out you don’t like me. I’m afraid I’ll become someone… yes, a toxic friend, and I don’t want to be like that with you. At least, if we have to end this, let’s not ruin what we were until now”.

Wooseok breathed deeply and he looked outside, while the bus was silently taking them at home. Yuto looked down, thinking he disappointed his friend that much: he couldn’t even look at him right now.

“I understand what you’re afraid of. I hate you for this. It’s like you don’t care for me unless I can’t be your… boyfriend?”

“This is not…” Yuto tried to explain himself, but Wooseok continued, ignoring him.

“I can’t tell that’s a good thing you’re feeling, but… I’m not in the exact position to blame you, you know? I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worst, but to be honest I was jealous of you too. When you were flirting with that Hyunggu. He even gave you his phone!” he added, finally looking at him.

Yuto couldn’t help but smile. “Jealous?” he simply asked.

Wooseok couldn’t tell the truth. He was jealous, of course, but he was afraid too. He was there, causing Yuto to suffer, to wait for him; but still Yuto was there, waiting for him. What was going to happen now, when another boy, cuter, more confident about him was around Yuto, liking him?

“Yes, jealous. I’m not going to talk about that” he finally said, looking outside again.

Yuto smiled. That was enough.

_ For the moment _ , he added, taking Wooseok’s hand in his.

Yes, friends can hold each other’s hands, but he hoped they weren’t just friends anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the huge delay ;; I was too caught up between work and uni ;;  
> anyway, did you like "I'm a star"? I hope y'all are hyping my babies, they put so much efforts in it + the whole album is sooo good!!! and,,, are you ready for ptg comeback???  
> hope you liked this, see you (hopefully sooner) on the next chapter!


	9. This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I have to thank every single of you for each hit and kudos. Maybe it's not that much for others creators here, but I started this story out of boredom, while now I'm here actually affectionate to "my" wooyu and with actual people enjoying it??? Also, as usual I have to apology for not updating anything since a month... I had a lot to do lately (a huge exam, work, etc etc etc) plus I had to hype Shintoburi on every SNS!  
> Anyway, I hope the waiting is worthy! Maybe this chapter is too cheesy, BUT!!! You'll have a lot of angst on next chapters, so enjoy it thinking of that! Also, I don't have enough time to proof-reading it, hope you'll enjoy the same TAT

Wooseok was lying in his bed with Goyangi sleeping on his chest, his cat peacefully breathing while sleeping.

_ Well, at least one of us is  _ peaceful, Wooseok said in his mind, sarcastically grinning to himself. He felt like his books and notes were looking at him from his messy desk, trying to remind him he had three different tests next week and definitely no time to procrastinate (‘ _like mate, stop procrastinating!’)_ , but he just ignored that feeling of guilt. The only thing he had in his mind was: trying to find an excuse to text Yuto. He hated himself for feeling like he needed an excuse to text his best friend, but, in the end, it wasn’t like he didn’t have a reason to feel like this: they kinda went to a date the last time they met…

_ So you’re admitting to yourself that was a date _ , a mean voice said in his mind, weirdly similar to Laura’s one.

And, to be honest, he couldn’t deny he was happy about considering it a date. The two of them, alone, in a nice place… he kind of confessed too… 

_ Maybe this is what I was supposed to feel when I was with Laura _ , Wooseok realized. He didn’t know how he was feeling to be honest. There was just… this warmth in his stomach and his chest whenever he thought of Yuto. It just felt… nice? Wooseok started wondering why he used to be scared. Not of the school thing, but of his feelings. Feeling like this towards Yuto was the most natural thing he experienced lately.

Wooseok totally forgot his cat was sleeping using him as bed and pillow, so he rolled to his right side, causing Goyangi to meow, desperate and scared, trying not to fall. Wooseok laughed, caressing his cat on the back to make him relax.

Goyangi relaxed after a while. He was still mad at him – Wooseok could have told that because of painfully feeling his cat’s claws trough his t-shirt – but he was using Wooseok as his bed again.

Wooseok had an idea. He grabbed his phone and quickly took a pic of the two of them. He almost cringed when he realized he was intentionally pouting, _but who cares_ , he said himself, _it’s for a good cause, and I’m cute anyway_.

_ Please save me I’m bored _ , he typed before sending the pic to Yuto.

Wooseok blushed a bit thinking about what Yuto said about him and Goyangi that night, but he send that pic exactly because of that night, so…

His thoughts were interrupted by a notification appearing on the phone’s screen.

_ Your cat is so cute _ , Yuto replied. He also used an emoji: ^___^ .

_ And what about me? Isn’t Wooseokie cute too? _

_ Don’t be an attention seeker! _

_ Okay but I’m bored. Save me sos 911 _

_ Wanna go out? We could go to the cinema if you like _ ,Yuto proposed.

_ Are you asking me on a date? _

_ Would you like this to be a date? _

_ What about you? _

_ You already know my answer. _

_ You too _ , Wooseok replied, heading to the bathroom to take a shower.

He was confused about what to wear. He didn’t want to dress like usual. He was officially going on a date, he was supposed to impress Yuto!

Suddenly he had an idea. He had this cute blue and red striped sweater, or at least it was cute until you didn’t notice his back. A huge piece of skin in the middle was exposed, leather to keep together the fabric. Of course he couldn’t just expose himself like that, so he wear a black leather jacket too. 

***

Half of an hour passed and the two of them were in front of the cinema, looking for something even vaguely interesting to watch. Unfortunately, every movie that night was a horror one, and of course they couldn’t pick one of them since Yuto was literally a scaredy cat. Wooseok considered for just a moment picking a horror movie and offering, not so metaphorically, his shoulder to Yuto to hide or cry, but he considered a better plan when he saw something.

After all, there was this non-horror movie. It was already perfect like that, but it looked like the classic romance movie teenage girls talk about for weeks, so it was basically made for his plan.

“What about this?” Wooseok proposed.

“Are you kidding? The classic story about two white hets falling in love?”

“Don’t be a pain in the ass” Wooseok pouted.

“Please… Don’t do that” Yuto laughed, embarrassed, looking anywhere but at Wooseok.

“Why? Do you think I’m extremely cute and irresistible when I do this?” the younger asked in the attempt of making the older one blushing. A second later he found himself blushing when Yuto whispered right in his ear “of course”.

Anyway, thanks to his pouting, a few minutes later they were sitting in the cinema.

Lights were still on, so Wooseok took his chance and took off his jacket. Yuto’s eyes widened for a moment, then he focused on his hands, trying to avoid showing any emotions.

Wooseok smirked noticing that. He was about to make a joke, but then the lights went off and the movie started right away. He focused on the screen, but it was like he wasn’t seeing anything. He was thinking about how to come closer to Yuto.

_ Now or never _ , he said in his mind, leaning his head until his cheek was half on Yuto’s shoulder, half on his chest.

For a second, nothing moved. Wooseok started fearing he did something exaggerate, he started feeling out of place, like he was pressuring the other to do something, he felt so awkward…

And then everything went right when he felt Yuto’s hands: one on his cheek, one on his back (exactly on the exposed part).

***

The movie was boring. Yuto was right, but Wooseok thought he didn’t have that much to complain, since neither of them was paying attention. Wooseok was way more interested on caressing and from time to time kissing Yuto’s neck. The older one didn’t seem bothered by that, judging from the moans he tried to suffocate when Wooseok kissed him on some sensitive spots.

It was like nothing else existed for Wooseok. Right in that moment, he only felt Yuto’s hand on his back and the urge to kiss more of the other’s skin… 

So, he was very upset when the rest of the crowd started cheering. He looked at the screen. Apparently, the two main characters were kissing.

Wooseok raised his head, pissed, while Yuto looked at him, a bit disappointed.

“Ehi” he whispered, going closer to the other “why did you stop?”

“I hate this noise! They’re just kissing!” Wooseok complained, pouting again.

Yuto bite his lower lip and then he caressed Wooseok’s lower lip with his right thumb. Wooseok lips automatically opened.

Yuto went closer… to his ear.

Wooseok nervously exhaled. This wasn’t what he was expecting.

“They’re kissing… Shouldn’t we…” he started, but Wooseok interrupted him, frustrated.

“Oh my god, you’re such an idiot” he said right before kissing the other.

Yuto was so shook he didn’t react for the first few second, but then… He placed his hand on Wooseok’s cheek and started exploring the younger’s mouth. He felt Wooseok deeply inspiring, like he was out of breath, but he didn’t care. He was feeling out of breath too in that moment. He was waiting for that moment since months, he was so overwhelmed by _that_ actually happening, it was almost like he was dreaming, with a voice in his mind telling him to wake up and actually enjoying it. 

At some point Wooseok pushed him.

Yuto looked at the other, confused. Did he do something wrong?

Probably Wooseok understood what Yuto was thinking, since he said “they turned on the light”.

The older one nodded and replied “take your jacket, neither of us is interested in the movie and I want to continue that… discussion we started”.

***

Maybe just few minutes or a year passed between when they got out of the cinema and when they arrived at Yuto’s house, Wooseok couldn’t tell. The only thing he noticed the whole time was Yuto holding his hand. He didn’t even notice people were looking at them.

Anyway, he didn’t care. Now, he was lying on Yuto’s bed, the other one right on him, kissing him, his hands everywhere on his back.

At some point Yuto stopped kissing him. Wooseok was so disappointed. He wanted to feel those warm lips again…

He stopped mentally complaining when Yuto started kissing the exposed skin on his back.

He wasn’t totally expecting that, and he started feeling so much pleasure he left out a loud moan.

“I wanted to do this since I saw you wearing… this thing” Yuto whispered, his hot breath tickling Wooseok’s neck.

“I wanted you to do this since I bought this sweater” Wooseok replied, causing the both of them to laugh.

Anyway, Wooseok didn’t have any time to start properly breathing again, since Yuto started kissing his neck.

“Can I… took this off?” the older asked, pinching Wooseok’s sweater.

He nodded and raised his arms to help the other remove it, then he felt his back leaning on the bed.

Yuto’s mouth was on one of his nipple, sucking and licking. Wooseok moaned again, and right in that moment he asked where they were going.

“Yuto…” he whispered “I… I can’t do this”.

Yuto froze. He raised his head, looking in the other’s eyes.

“You can’t do this… what?” he asked.

“This! I left home thinking ‘I’m going to kiss Yuto today’, not ‘I’m going to have sex with Yuto today’!”

Yuto looked at him, then he laughed, relieved.

Wooseok was worried. “Are you going insane? I just told you we’re not going to…”

Yuto laughed more, causing the other to stop talking.

“I’m sorry” he said after a while “I was so worried you were going to say you can’t do… this meaning the whole thing, like kissing or holding hands or…”

“Yuto, I basically grabbed you and forced you to pay for that shitty movie neither of us was watching to kiss you in the dark, why did you think…”

“You’re the one who was confused about his feelings until a week ago, how am I supposed to know what are you thinking…”

“Okay, I’ll make myself clear. I do not regret kissing you and not even what we were doing right now, I just think we should stop since I don’t think I’m ready” Wooseok said looking down.

Yuto grabbed Wooseok by his chin, forcing him to make eye contact. “And that’s totally fine. I’ll never force you to do anything if you don’t want to. And this… is already enough to be honest. Now go under the covers or you’ll take a cold”.

Wooseok smiled. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Should I be mad at you? For what? Wooseok, it’s totally fine, please relax now and go to sleep. Do you need to change yourself? I have something you can wear for the night…”

“Are you asking me to sleep here?” Wooseok interrupted him.

“If you want to…” Yuto whispered.

“What’s different from the thousands times we already slept together?” Wooseok asked smiling. “Well, except the fact I hope this time we’ll fall asleep while kissing”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some few notes until you're free (?)  
> 1\. Hope you know where the 'like mate, stop procrastinating' comes from !!  
> 2\. The scaredy cat thing about Yuto is right from Pentagon's "Round One" lyrics!!  
> 3\. A sweater like the one Wooseok was wearing actually existed. Heo Hyunjoon (Hwall from the Boyz) actually wore it some time ago!!  
> 


	10. Breakfast

Wooseok woke up feeling weird. Everything in his room was different from usual: first of all he felt like the morning light entering the window had a weird angle. Also, Goyangi wasn’t there, even the furniture were different… Then he realized he didn’t woke up in his room. He was still at Yuto’s.

Thinking about the night before made him blush. He went to bed wearing his underwear only. His _best friend_ was waiting for him, his lips too, and neither of them needed him to be more dressed. 

Wooseok was afraid Yuto would’ve been disappointed or they couldn’t have fun because of what he told before. Well, Wooseok was wrong about.

Yuto’s kisses were so passionate he felt lost. At some point he thanked they started kissing when they were lying on bed and not before, since he felt like he lost his balance. Yuto’s hands on his body and his tongue in his mouth were the only thing he could feel and think about, and honestly he didn’t think that was a reason to complain. _Yuto_ was the only thing he wanted to feel, and by the intensity of his touch, he could’ve said it was the same for the other boy.

Thinking about him,Wooseok realized Yuto wasn’t there, near him in his bed. He was starting to feel his missing, when he saw a note on the other’s pillow.

_ Just went out to buy some food. Hope you won’t wake up while I’m not there. _

Wooseok smiled. Okay, a little part of him was sad since he wanted to wake up near Yuto, but knowing he was out there buying something for breakfast made him feel better.

Anyway, he realized he stayed out the whole night without telling his mom, so he stood up and searched for the pair of jeans he was wearing the night before and took his phone.

_ 2 missed calls from ‘Mom’ _ , the notif on the screen was saying.

Wooseok almost swore. He knew there were just few things able to make his mom angry. Missed calls where one of them.

“Mom” he said when his mom picked his call.

“Good morning, Wooseok” his mom replied. She didn’t seem that angry.

“Mom, I’m staying at Yuto’s. I’m… sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…”

“I should be angry, but, in fact, I already know. Hope you both had fun” she replied. Wooseok blushed. She didn’t know, of course, but the thought of them _having fun…_

“You knew? How…”

“Yuto sent me a text yesterday, like he always does when you stay at his house. He knows you always forget about telling me” his mom explained, laughing.

Wooseok smiled. He knew Yuto used to do that, but now it seemed like a total different thing… kind of cute? Like, a _boyfriend_ thing?

“Anyway, do you plan to come back home for lunch or…”.

“I don’t know yet, mom. I’ll let you know later”, he replied, well knowing he should’ve been studying.

“Or Yuto will let me know instead” she replied, laughing.

Right after the call ended, Yuto entered the room. He was holding a paper bag, filled with things to eat.

“Breakfast in bed!” he said, leaving it on his desk and opening the windows. Fresh air entered the room, making Wooseok shiver.

He went under the blankets again, while Yuto started picking things from the bag.

“Donuts… croissants… Yuto, do you think I can eat _all of that_?” Wooseok asked, laughing.

“Well, at least I’ll make you come back here making you think about what you ate” Yuto replied with a smirk.

Wooseok blushed. Was he… _flirting_?

“I called my mom a few minutes go and she told me you texted her yesterday. Thank you” Wooseok said, not really sure about what to say, feeling awkward.

“That’s nothing, you know I always do that since you’re too distracted to remember to call her”.

“Well, you’ll recognize you had a huge role into distracting me yesterday” Wooseok replied, looking at the older right in his eyes. Now it was his turn to smirk, and Yuto’s turn to blush.

“We should… eat” Yuto said.

Wooseok nodded and dropped the blankets he was holding with his hands to cover himself, since he needed his hands to eat.

Yuto’s jaw dropped looking at him. Wooseok was about to make him notice there was nothing new to look at, but he realized there was _something_ : dark and red bruises surrounded his collarbones, lighter ones even on his chest. He didn’t notice that before since he was focusing on calling his mom, but now he felt like he should’ve noticed that earlier.

“I’m… I’m so sorry, Wooseok… Oh my God…” Yuto started apologizing.

Wooseok sighed. “I can’t say I didn’t enjoy… the cause of it” he replied, trying to smile.

“Yes, but… I ruined your skin, I’m so sorry…”

“Yuto” Wooseok interrupted him again “I don’t think that’s the… best show ever, but it’s not like I’m going around shirtless. Only you and me will know about this”.

“I promise I’ll be more careful next time” Yuto said after few seconds.

“Okay. Now we should eat” the younger said, biting a donut.

After that little incident, things went well. The both of them were feeling so happy just being there, smiling or even laughing because of the smallest things.

They were so happy Wooseok almost felt guilty when he stood up almost an hour later.

“Yuto, I… I love being here, with you, but I should really going now…”

“Why?” Yuto asked before he could think twice, a sad expression on his face.

“Please, don’t look so sad or I’ll feel horrible to leave. I should study…” he said while starting to dress.

“Study? But it’s Sunday!” Yuto complained, rolling on the bed to look at him.

“Yes, and tomorrow it’ll be Monday and I have a Biology test” the younger explained.

“Why didn’t you study yesterday?” the other asked, even sadder.

“Well, I was thinking about an excuse to text you”.

Wooseok felt awkward right after he said that since Yuto didn’t reply. Maybe he was too sweet.

His doubts disappeared when he felt the other’s arms around his waist and his cheek against his upper back.

“You just told me you didn’t study because you were thinking about me, I don’t know if I should be offended or happy” Yuto said smiling.

_ You’ll be the judge _ , Wooseok thought but without actually answering, turning his body to kiss him.

He realized for the thousandth time he was taller when he felt Yuto was standing on his feet. Wooseok smiled in the kiss, holding the other by his chin.

“Why were you smiling?” Yuto asked when they stopped kissing.

“Because you’re short” Wooseok replied wearing his sweater.

“You’re possibly the only person on earth who can call me short”.

“Well, I’m the only one who’s allowed to call you a shortie” Wooseok replied, sitting on the bed to wear his shoes and jacket.

“That’s what I call a boyfriend privilege” Yuto replied before he could stop himself.

“I… didn’t mean to… You’re not forced to…” he tried to explain himself, but then he just stopped since he couldn’t think of the right words to say.

“We’ll think about this later, okay?” Wooseok asked, kissing him again. Yuto held him by his hair, deepening the kiss, making feel both at loss of air.

“Jesus, Yuto, I basically live next door, it’s not like we won’t see each other for days”, Wooseok said with a smile, joking.

“Can I call you tonight?” Yuto asked before losing courage.

“Of course” Wooseok replied, leaving the room. Yuto followed him.

When they opened the door, they heard someone talking in the house. One of the voices owner’s was clearly Yuto’s mom, but the other one? It seemed like a male’s voice, an adult one.

Yuto froze, clearly recognizing who was talking. “Please, don’t stop to say hi to my mom, you have to leave now” he said, literally scared.

Wooseok just did what told. He tried to hold Yuto’s hand to calm him down, but the older almost pushed him back. “We have to go” he said with a flat tone.

Wooseok nodded, following him. He really couldn’t understand what was happening.

They both didn’t talk. Yuto walked the whole time looking behind him, almost like he was expecting for someone to follow them. Wooseok was just trying to understand.

Finally, they were in front of Wooseok’s house.

“Do you want to come inside? Drink something or…” the younger started, but Yuto interrupted him.

“Wooseok, look, I’m praying every God to be wrong, but I don’t think I am, so--- please don’t call me or text me in the next days, okay? I swear I’ll give you an explanation, but please, please, now leave me alone and don’t come to my house. Not even if you think someone’s killing me, just stay far away from that damn house, okay?”

“Is this a joke?” Wooseok asked, confused.

“Do you think this is a joke? Wooseok, I don’t have time for this. Think whatever you want about me, I’m doing this for a good reason”.

Wooseok almost smiled when he entered his house. Well, in the end Yuto kissed him like that right because they weren’t going to see each other in the next days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know where to start from we reached 50 kudos OH MY GOD I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS ??? THANK YOU FOR LIKING THIS THING ???  
> Anyway, let's pretend I'm a serious person... At this point I think I should stop apologizing at the beginning or at the end of every chapter for my late update so I won't do it gfdhjks  
> By the way. Huge things are going to happen in the next chapters (let's say you'll understand why there's the homophobia tag... I should check the angst one too) and also! I might include a Yuto pov! OKay I'll stop spoilering now, hope you enjoyed this !!


	11. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beside the fact i'm soooo late, here some WARNINGS: this is a yuto pov. unfortunately this chapter might trigger some of y'all, since it'll be about homophobia (from a parent) so please skip this chapter if you don't feel like reading it! you'll be able to understand next chapters anyway!

Every time Yuto was back at home, he felt relieved. Closing the door meant being safe, meant no more faking to be interested in the outside world, meant being alone with the only person he knew she would’ve accepted him as he was – his mom.  
Now, his refuge was “compromised”.  
Sitting in the little hall of the house, his dad was waiting for him, with a disgusted look on his face.   
Yuto should’ve been the disgusted one. It was just eleven in the morning, but still his dad was already kinda drunk. He smelt like a whole wine shop, he looked like a homeless.  
“So your mom wasn’t able to fix you in these years, right? Did she go on with the accepting the diversity thing?” he asked, talking slowly.  
Yuto ignored him and went to the stairs, or at least he tried, since his dad stopped him, surrounding his wrist with his hand.  
“Being your dad doesn’t mean you should respect me? Say hi? Asking if I’m fine?” he asked with an evil smile on his face.  
Being this close, Yuto noticed everything about his dad past beauty completely disappeared. When he was little, everyone used to tell “big Adachi and little Adachi” were totally look-a-like, now it was like his dad was a seventy-years-old-man, one of those who worked his whole life under the sun, so his eyes, his mouth, his hands too were surrounded by wrinkles, his skin was a lot darker than the past.  
“You’re not my dad” Yuto replied, trying to set his arm free and go upstairs. After a few seconds he noticed his dad was a strong man even when he was drunk, since he was able to make his son fall on the ground with a single slap on his mouth.  
Yuto touched his lips. He was bleeding.  
He was about to react, but right in that moment his mom came back. When she opened the door and saw what was happening, she started yelling.  
“I’ve warned you! I’ve warned you! Don’t you dare touch my son!”  
“Your son? He’s my son, and he’s a fag! I have every right to teach him a lesson!” his dad said back.  
Yuto was still on the floor. Their parents were yelling again, like years ago. He wasn’t there anymore…

“Mom!” little Yuto said when he was back home from school. That day he was really happy: he wrote a poem about his family! And his teacher gave him a good mark!  
His smile literally died when he entered the house. His mom and dad were yelling at each other in the living room. He didn’t notice that but the servants were looking at his parents too, scared. His dad crashed some expensive objects before his arrive.  
Yuto’s eyes were watering. Why were his parents, the people he loved the most, crying? Did he do something wrong without noticing?  
“Oh, here he is, our princess!” his dad said with a sarcastic grin on his face, looking at him.  
Yuto didn’t like that. Why his dad was looking at him like he did something wrong?  
“Leave him alone!” his mom yelled, but his dad was faster and grabbed him by the shoulders before his mom could’ve warn him to run.  
“Didn’t you like how I called you before, princess? This is what you are!”  
Yuto started crying. What was the meaning of that?  
“What did you do at school?” his dad asked.  
“I… wrote a poem and…” little Yuto said, his voice lower than a breath, but his dad heard him.  
“A poem! A complete FAG!” he yelled, pushing him and making him fall. _  
_

__

“Yuto! Yuto!” his mom said, shaking him by his shoulders.  
Yuto looked around. He wasn’t in his old house in Japan, no more.   
“Yuto… are you okay?” she asked, looking at him and touching his lips carefully.   
“Why he’s here, mom? Where did he go?”  
“He… he has some problems with the law, so he has to stay here until the court won’t say otherwise…”  
“I don’t want him here, mom… I don’t feel safe…”  
His mom hugged him. They were both clearly uncomfortable, since he was still sitting on the ground after falling, but they both didn’t care.  
“Everything will be over by the end of next week, Yuto. We have to endure this.”  
They both couldn’t see the other since they were still hugging each other, but they were both crying.  
“Yuto… couldn’t you ask Wooseok if you can… sleep at…”  
“Wooseok has nothing to do with this” Yuto interrupted his mom, almost mad for the suggestion, standing up “I won’t give that _monster_ I have to call ‘dad’ the possibility to hurt another person I love.”  
His mom tried to say sorry, but Yuto didn’t listen, running upstairs. He really needed a shower.


End file.
